Chapter 18 - In My Own Way...

     This was her third pregnancy. It was unexpected and she was devastated by the news. “What am I going to do!” she cried. “Abortion is not an option for me, and yet, I can’t imagine having another kid,” 

     A deep sadness permeated her pregnancy. She tucked away into a sorrow that no one could reach. Even after she felt movement she could not connect to her child. She went through the motions and her baby grew well, but she remained emotionally distant. Nothing anyone said or did seemed to bring her solace.

     I expressed my concerns, as did her husband and pastor. Her bond with her other two children was strong and she was a wonderful mother, but with this pregnancy she was on complete disconnect.

     She said, “Trust me. I can not explain why I have fallen into this chasm, but I will get through it in my own way.” Still… I worried. I had never seen her like this. 

     When her contractions eventually began she labored in silence, as if her heart was separated from her body. I watched over her as a mother would when her child has lost her way. She sat on the edge of the bed, eyes closed, her husband and I sitting on the floor at her feet, each of us with a hand on one knee forming a triangle, providing a ground to keep her tethered.

     An hour passed. The sun was setting and the light was golden in the room. When the next contraction finished I felt a subtle shift in her energy. I looked up at her. It was eerie—like she wasn’t in there. Was she checking out! I felt my breath quicken and I became anxious.  My hand slid up to her wrist to feel her pulse. It was strong and steady. Her husband sensed that something was different and we looked at each other. Her contractions had stopped. I took a deep breath. I was in uncharted territory. I don’t know why but I sensed that she was going to be okay. We sat and we waited. I kept my hand on her pulse.

     A long ten minutes passed. She sat there in utter stillness. Then, she shivered and her eyes opened. They were soft and clear. She was back…

     “I will be pushing after three more contractions,” she prophetically announced. “It’s another girl. Everything will be fine.”

     She nestled back into a mound of pillows on the bed and started to gently massage her belly. She smiled. “Okay little one,” she whispered. “You can be born now. I am here and I want you to come into my life.”

     Exactly—in three contractions—her body began to bear down. After a few pushes she reached down to feel the head as it eased out. As the shoulders delivered, she lifted her daughter to her breast. She massaged her back as a warm blanket was laid across her wet body. 
     “I listened and I heard you. Do not worry. Your mommy is here,” she murmured.

     I sat back and watched as this mother and daughter bonded to each other. What had happened in those ten silent moments?

     Later, I asked if she wanted to talk about what happened, but she just smiled mysteriously and replied, “Like I said…in my own time, in my own way...”